Australia for Dummies: Lessons from the First Half

The sign is hard to read, but it says, "The Half Way Point." Time for another halfway party!

I’ve been in Australia for just over two months now and I've learned A LOT. Here's ten lessons I wish I had known before I found myself in the land down under.

Lesson 1. Australia is huge, covering basically as much territory as the States. That means buses, trains, and planes will take just as long as in the United States. I didn’t quite realize that taking a bus from Melbourne to Sydney was equivalent to taking a bus from Houston to Atlanta.

However, Australia's total population is less than that of Southern Cal.

Lesson 2. Stores in Melbourne operate between 9am and 5pm, with very few exceptions. Don’t expect to find a coffee or do much shopping outside of those hours.

Lesson 3. I am not invincible (but sharks, poisonous snakes, and Australia's other well known dangerous creatures aren't what got me down). See my deathbed post from just the other day.

Lesson 4. Dark chocolate Kit Kats come in FAMILY SIZE packages.

Lesson 5. Tim Tam Slam: the best way to eat a Tim Tam (some may call it the Oreo of Australia): take one small bite out of each of the two ends, place one end in a glass (or better yet, a shallow bowl) of milk, suck the milk through your delicious wafer like a straw. Consume your now perfectly milked Tim Tam (is milked a word? Sorry I'm still recovering from my delirious fits. See Lesson #3 above).

All the different Tim Tam flavours take up half an aisle at the supermarket - dark chocolate, mint, cookies n' cream..

Lesson 6. Australians like to trick gullible tourists. There is no such thing as a parking gate that will let cars through in response to a (foreign) human voice yelling, “OPEN!”

Lesson 7. Whoever told you that Australia has sunshine year round is lying. Winter in Melbourne has already begun.

A high of 19˚C translates to about 66˚F. This is NOT what I signed up for.

Lesson 8. Human Frogger isn’t as fun as it sounds. Don’t jaywalk across a busy street when cars and trams are coming from both directions.

Lesson 9. Along the same lines, pay attention when crossing the “circle of death,” the single most dangerous roundabout in Melbourne and the one thing standing between my apartment and Melbourne Uni. It’s only a matter of time..

Notice the THREE sets of two-way tram tracks and 6-8 roads entering and leaving the circle. Add to that driving on the left side of the road and going around the circle CLOCKWISE, and things start getting messy.

And finally..

Lesson 10. Taylor who? T. Swift does not exist down under.